Am I dreaming? Perhaps. But I am here.
I’ve always had a strong connection to the dream world since I was a little girl. I’ve been lucid dreaming as early as I could remember. I remember waking up in my dreams and knowing I’m dreaming. It was scary at first, but then when I realized that I can control so much, I was having so much fun. When I first saw Insidious, I was terrified because I didn’t want to get lost like him in the in-between (spoiler alert). I stopped lucid dreaming but I would still have the most cinematic dreams. As I got older, I started writing down my dreams (I still do) because I know that I will turn them into screenplays one day, or maybe even just write a book about them. The possibilities are endless. Yes, they are that good. I love dreaming. I love the dream world. My mom used to always say I have a crazy imagination. She’s right, I do. And I know that’s why I’m who I am now. I love to dream and now I imagine—I create my dream worlds in my daily life and art. Sometimes I get frustrated because I can’t show the world exactly what my world looks like in my head. It’s soulful and colourful. I love it here. I wish I could crack open my mind so the colours in it can spill all over and the world can see how wonderful it is up here. It is warm and beautiful and it is safe. But perhaps that is why I can’t stop creating. Perhaps that’s why it is my purpose to act, to write, to make art, to share, to embody everything that is love, art and beauty. Maybe that is how I bring the dream down to earth. I always joke about how I am such a Pisces (as a Pisces rising) but my Capricorn and Virgo placements bring me down to earth. And it’s true. One of my favourite things about me is how much I dream but also how grounded I am— that even though I dream big and my imagination goes wild, I bring them to life because I am a doer. I think it’s the perfect combination. Perhaps that’s why I feel balanced. I feel balanced. But I am a dreamer through and through. I imagine myself riding on a cloud but landing on a field of grass every so often, or perhaps on a kite with a string that just goes on and on. I don’t know. All I know is that I love it here and I’m glad that I dream, I think, I imagine, I envision, I create the way I do. I love it here.
One of my biggest dreams, aside from witnessing the Aurora Borealis, is to see The Winged Victory of Samothrace. I remember crying the first time I learned about her when I studied art history. This statue of Greek goddess Nike (Victory) landing on a ship is believed to have been carved in 190 BCE and has been situated at The Louvre since the 1800s. They first found her in over 100 pieces (mainly her body, bust and feathers) and was sent to the Louvre to be restored. They never found her head or her arms. It makes me sad to think that she was found in pieces and to this day, they still haven’t found her head and arms yet she is still so achingly beautiful—arguably one of the most beautiful things to exist on this earth. She is not just art; she is the embodiment of women and our resilience, our perseverance even in the face of destruction. Her beauty is in her imperfection and even though she has fallen into pieces, she was put back together and is more beautiful than ever. She is a symbol of power, endurance and resilience. She is a rock. I’m not sure why I feel so much empathy for her (and some other inanimate objects— perhaps it’s just anthropomorphism) but it just reminds me of how much life, emotions and history exists in a piece of art or even animals. Don’t even get me started on the Five Caryatids in Athens who are still waiting on their sister (they even made an empty space for her in Acropolis Museum) who was literally brutally takenstolen by the British. She must be so lonely. They are not even taking care of her properly. And then there’s Lonesome George—the last Pinta Island tortoise to exist. He literally was the last of his kind. He was over 100 years old when he passed. He must have been so lonely. There is so much life, so much history (good and bad) in this world and we are so lucky to be alive in this instance.
this week:
made a custom carnelian necklace during girls’ night. i love this so much. making jewelry with friends is one of the most fulfilling and fun activities. i am enveloped with so much comfort and safety. i love it.
attended the ballet to see the nutcracker. this was a healing, dream-come-true experience. i felt my 7-year-old self come alive, her eyes sparkling while watching the ballerinas twirl. when i was a little girl, my mom would buy me barbie dvd’s and the nutcracker and the swan lake were my favourites. i would watch them everyday.
i’ve started my annual end-of-the year ritual. this entails going through my phone and cleaning up my camera roll, writing and creating a video recap of my year, creating my vision board, goals and habits for the upcoming year. this is my priority for the rest of the month.
Here’s a playlist of songs that sound like lucid dreaming.
Maybe I’ll see you in the dreamland.
‘Till next time!
